The Freaky Friday of It All

As I lay in bed, admittedly doing some unnecessary (and terribly under-funded) shopping, occasionally glancing at my updated score on Brickfish, I went back to take a harder look at Karen's "Le Blog" (I love that).

Starting at the beginning (I'm very chronological like that), I started really going through her blogs with a mental fine-tooth comb of sorts, deconstructing some of the advice she offered. Content aside, I dig Karen's phrasing and voice. Someone who is able to capture and maintain an audience the way she's kept my attention for the last 40+ minutes is no easy task, and I say that with some legitimacy as my life currently entails countless time spent on ump-teenth graduate papers. Then, when you consider just how much work was required of Karen to get to this current point, you can't help but feel overwhelmed for her.

That's where the Freaky Friday of It All comes in for me. See, I entered this contest on a whim. My mom received an email from my sister, who received the email from HSN (read it again, you'll get it!). Jokingly, Mom told her two daughters to apply for the contest, under the guise that "someone has to win, might as well be you". She was right (she still is!); someone has to win the contest, and it might as well be me. I'm a hard worker. I'm an eternal optimist. I love makeup. I consume from HSN (too much, I'm ashamed to say). So, okay, I applied, expecting nothing. As I recall there were, what, maybe 150 people already entered when I applied. I wasn't even really thrilled with the photo I submitted (for God's sake, I was in a bowling alley!), but, I remember feeling really happy when that photo was taken, and so I assumed that viewers would be able to see that raw enthusiasm and happiness. So, the photo was submitted, and I, like clockwork, regretted my decision. "I look too young", "I don't have on enough makeup", "it's a three-quarter's shot, instead of a frontal shot", "does my arm look fat?!". All thoughts racing through my head the second I clicked the submit button.

I didn't even bother checking up on my submission for almost 48 hours. I'm a confident girl, but at best I expected to break the top 100. When I logged on, I was #10. And then I was completely floored. Overjoyed. I ran downstairs (during Christmas break at my parents' home) to announce it to the family, and they too were dumbfounded. Tenth? In two days? How in the world?

Two days later, I was #3. One day later, #1. In six days time, I had gone from #140-something to #1. It was CRAZY. Why? Well, for one thing, I'm not a model. (1) I'm 5'0'' feet tall, barely- the runt in my already very tiny family, (2) I'm pale. SO freakishly pale. My family has a new pale joke for me (and some fall-back, token repeats) every day, regarding my barely-there skintone, and (3) I'm hardly this glamazon, "it" girl, and instead, I'm a graduate student in the midwest, who didn't get her ears pierced until her 18th birthday. I shop on clearance and sale racks ONLY (in all seriousness, I consider Target my "happy place" and the place I go to unwind, even if I don't buy a thing; likewise, I've asked to be buried there- HA!), and I've been known to sport the default bang-poof if I wake up late or I'm feeling gross that day (think Gwen Stefani, not Snookie from Jersey Shore). In my mind, models are always "on", always uber-whatever (posh, extreme, cutting edge, you get the gist), and my lifestyle doesn't present too many opportunities that allow me to be those things. My routine consists of class, grocery store, bed, rinse and repeat. Day after day.

But then I wonder: just because I haven't had the opportunity or reason to be glamorous lately, doesn't mean I'm incapable of being glamorous anytime I want. I'm no sweats and a ratty tshirt kind of girl (though if you are, there's nothing wrong with that, I'm just a little more fix-y), and I've never left the house without SOME makeup on (sorry, there's no exception to that rule for me....not a SINGLE one). Heck, maybe I can be glamorous. Maybe I could represent all of the thousands and millions of other girls and women out there who are kind of stuck in their routine and rut of their every day life, who aren't given the Hollywood opportunities and red carpet runway days the celebrities experience. I've made it this far in the competition (and sure, I'm #2 right now, which is still worthy of celebration!), and I have a large support system behind me. I have what it takes. I can do this. I CAN SO DO THIS! WOOOOOOO!

Okay, I'm done with that. My point is, this competition has really lit a fire under my you-know-what. Nothing in life is easy, and I get that. Trust me, as a girl who has relocated more times than there are digits in her phone number, I've experienced a thing or two. I know that life isn't easy. But I also know that half of the battle is trying, and proving that you really want something. That saying about "half of the battle is who you know" doesn't apply here. Instead, I'd offer that "half of the battle is feeling worthy".

So, with all this said, I'd like to end with this parting thought: should this contest result in a winner other than me, I'll watch HSN on Feb. 18th, so excited for Karen and her accomplishment. There's something so refreshing about seeing dreams become reality for people you know worked hard to get where they are. Hopefully, those at Purple Lab and at HSN see that same potential in me. I'm going places in this world, with rockin' lipgloss on, and I only hope that HSN is one stop along the way.